Hash #225 – Cum in Silence Hash
First of all, no one likes to cum in silence. Where the hell is the fun in that??? I don’t know what kind of boring sex life you have, but jesus, spark it up a lil!
Anyways. The hash started off with Princess Labia standing on the side of the road waving people down (not that this is a new activity for him though), and let us all know that the A had been moved “due to a f*cking C*NT”, as Silence of the Clams screamed out. So ladylike she is, and besides, no screaming…. we cum in silence, remember? So we convened at Sinsheimer, no one lacking their 4th of July hangover. We downed a couple beers then started off after our hares, Silence of the Clams and Cum Summaries. Within the first minute we saw Lord Mangina DRIVING by waving ‘ello in his cheery little British accent. Yea, enjoy your AC as we run up a bunch of hills in the blazing heat with a stupid hangover. Ugh, foreigners piss me off.
So, we run in what is essentially a complete circle to our first beer stop, right smack dab in the middle of the disc golf course where objects were flying at our heads as we tried to swallow our beers. That’s right, I just said head and swallow…. it was acceptable on trail as long as we stayed quiet, right?
From the disc golf course we ran up (emphasis on the “up”) through the neighborhoods where we found stop #2. Awaiting us was a watermelon soaked in vodka!!!! Hurray! Vodka!!! And gummy bears too! Just what our liver’s all needed… a 2-day alcoholic bender! The trail continued and I had a slight idea of where we might be headed. We came to a checkpoint and the options were run up a GIANT f*cking hill, or turn right.
Me: Um, hey guys, I’m preeeetty sure we turn right here….. I know there’s a house at the end of the street we might be going to.
Everyone else: Shut up Greasy, it’s UP the hill!
So up we went. Typical f***in’ hashers. Ignore the dumb blonde and run up one of the steepest effing hills in SLO to a god damn YBF!!!!! Damn you hares!!! That was one brutal ass YBF and we were all stupid and drunk enough to fall for it!
So back to the checkpoint, and of course, we turned right and followed the trail to the backyard of a house. It was here that was probably the most kick-ass beer stop. Ever. The hares redeemed themselves for that shitty ass YBF with this one. Our gracious hosts, Joanie & Jeff, are Silence of the Clam’s boyfriend’s parents (did ya follow that one?) and they were more than excited to have us all over! They had flip cup set up and the loser’s had to jump in the pool to fish out the beers for the winners. Awesome is an understatement. Hostess Joanie walked around giving everyone 4th of July stickers to wear while host Jeff participated in the flip cup followed by tossing himself in his own pool. We almost didn’t leave.
But alas, back to the A we went. Now it gets a little hazy for me. We had a bunch of virgins, a bunch of crimes, and the naming of Just John. Silence drank out of her virgin’s new shoe and Dildo Baggins brought goggles for the flour throwing, it was beautiful. Just John is now Speedy Got Smallness, so welcome to the group you overachieving bastard 😉