Hash #272 – Blue’s Birthday Bash Hash
Hash #272 – Thursday, April 10, 2014: Blue’s Birthday Bash Hash
Ditch Bitch Here: Reporting on Blues Birthday Bash Hash!
Do any of you remember going to birthday party for the cool kid on the block? The one whose parents hired clowns and had a pinata and you ate cupcakes and won really cool prizes and you knew that when you had your party there was no way it would be this cool? Well, that was this Hash.
We arrived and were quickly adorned with blue paper penises, blue paper crowns, birthday hats, and paper party horns that didn’t squawk. I can just imagine Just Lauren assigning this art project to a bunch of elementary school kids. “Now children… Listen up. We need to make birthday crowns for a bunch of drunken hashers … uh … I mean my friends. Have you all seen the movie Frozen? Well, we need to make crown like the one in the movie, only out of paper like a Burger King Crown and with letters to represent their names. Lets see … we need an ‘S’ for ‘Stranger’ a ‘DB’ for ‘Ditch B****, a ‘SJ’ for ‘Smurf J*****’…… While you do that, Miss Lauren is going to be in the corner over here cutting out little blue … ummm … Rockets, ya that’s what they are …little blue rockets.
So we met, we ran, we had 4 beer stops, one at the bowling alley. There was shiggy, freeway crossings, bridge under crossings and fence over hoppings. There were clowns, sweet green shots and beer to be lapped up out of a dog dish. There was a pinata with blue booze, condoms, lube, and mini cherry flavored cock rings. Ram Pam got a 15 for showing her boobs. We played pin the beer on the hasher, but when Stranger got poked, he decided not to play. The Doctor’s friend on the balcony had some great songs. Who knew that you could make a song about a postman sound to perverted? We had lighted prizes, like giant cock rings (or was that a bracelet) and a viking hat.
At the down down we had a dick fest. Well at least as far as virgins are concerned. There were like 7 male virgins, one of which was brave enough to show us his handle and his ‘spout’. Finally, we said goodbye to ‘Just Shanna’ and hello to ‘No Easter For My Keister’.
Ever been stalked by a cop after a hash? Well, Da Beav got her chance after the hash. For those of you that missed it, she sent the following email:
I am driving home in my purple Miata with teeth in the grill… Not the best incopnito car… And I see a cop behind me! I am not drunk, however, I know appearances are everything… Already driving a goofy looking car, go into panic mode, how to look normal in said goofy car? I tear off name necklace and beer opener lanyard and whistle and vaginicorn… And realize that Holy Balls! I still have a blue penis taped to my sweatshirt pointing at the Beaver portion of “got beaver” emblazoned on it!! And the friggin’ tape Just Lauren supplied us with is like Gorilla glue… Yes, I looked like a drunk driver swerving while trying to rip a blue penis off my sweatshirt! I drive slow, trying to rip off the blue penis, pondering explanations to the cop if I get pulled over… Employing some twinkle powers (because sweatshirt hides my copious cleavage). (This means blinking a lot and acting stupid) “Oh yes, officer, I was at a birthday party for a dog and got tagged with this blue penis I can’t seem to tear off my sweatshirt… No, drinking wasn’t involved, dogs don’t drink, we just got excited about tennis balls and barked a lot. Yes, I know that sounds odd. But that’s what we do for our hounds. We will dress them up in tutus for the zombie Jesus holiday, amen!” (Being Irish Catholic I have to say amen when Jesus is mentioned, zombie or not) and… Some other miscreant got pulled over! I didn’t have to explain my frantic blue penis ripping off actions! Phew!!
On On to Jules’ Hash