Hash #229 – Dirty Mangina Hash
Good morning f*cktards!!
It’s your lucky day! My sometimes-trusty co hash flash/trash, Silence of the Clams, decided to help me out this week by doing a partial write-up, leaving me to finish where she left off. Good thing I was ridiculously drunk and it was week and a half ago! I’m sure details will be perfectly remembered….
On – to the freakin’ bike hash!! – On!
-Greasy Lei
The Dirty Mangina Hash:
The Dirty Mangina Hash…the name alone should give you a clue to how this hash ended. But let’s start with where it began…at the pre-lube which took place at Gus’s. Greasy Lei and Silence of the Clams eagerly showed up early because let’s face it, the more lube the better! We slurped down our beer and excitedly got up to greet who we thought was Dildo walking towards us, but unfortunately it was one of the worst cross-dressers we had ever seen, looking like he/she was going to start working his/her corner…blond wig, hairy legs, moustache, leather skirt and all. It was quite a sight. As things were getting steamy at the pre-lube, awanker had to crash the party, and Matzo pulled up on his motorcycle (on-on sticker proudly displayed on his helmet). He proceeded to sit his ass down and bore us with work story after work story after work story. Shut the f#$k up about work already asshole and drink some beer! Greasy Lei all of a sudden says “I think I just saw Sprinkle Princess driving by shirtless.” Sure enough, Sprinkle comes walking up (with shirt now on mysteriously) after his first day of school parched after all of his fondling, er, I mean teaching. Soon enough we discover Sprinkle has no clue what our names are (which for any of you who have seen him “lead” a circle this is clear). We’ve skinny dipped together and he doesn’t know our effing names. No douche bag, my name isn’t Teresa, I’m not a stripper. As Sprinkle is playing the name game, we smell something horrendous, which turns out to be freaking Lady Red Rocket’s massive canine who is slobbering all over the place. No this isn’t code..…his dog was actually there. Holy. Shit. Lady Red Rocket tried to make up for this experience by buying us pitchers of beer, but soon enough we had to depart this stinky situation and head to the hash.
Exciting right? And that was only the pre-lube. As we show up to the Casa del Mangina hashers are already mingling and sipping ice cold PBRs…already getting hydrated and hard. I believe Foreplay and Sprinkle Princess were getting happy in the hammock. Dirty Girl finally decides to part with her white wine and heads off with her co-hare Lord Mangina. Eventually we tear ourselves away from our beers and head out on their trail, which very quickly seems oddly similar to last weeks hash. Luckily our hares placed our first beer stop about a minute into the trail so we could down beers and try to forget that we’ve already run this trail.
After we drank some delicious PBR, it was on-on again! On our way to the second beer stop we came across yet another tit check (probably one of fifteen, thanks Dirty Girl). No surprise, close by is Sprinkle Princess camped out in a freaking garbage ready for viewing. Nice work. Our second beer stop led us across a creek and a swarm of bees where Fuckin Strange proceeded to get stung directly on her ass by a bee. Nice work hares! How the eff did you train the bees to sting the hottest girl on the ass? Your plan worked because Fuckin Strange proceeded to show us all her “bee sting” and fellow hashers gather around to sooth her pain with jello shots…literally…putting the jello shot on her ass. We finally came to our senses and realized we should be putting the jello shots in our mouths and not on her ass.
After many jello shots and some mysterious pee in a bottle drink it was on-on yet again! Up hills, down hills we ran trying not to get hit by cars as we played frogger on the streets. The eagles passed the turkeys as we ran up to the third beer stop at Sunny Acres Asylum. As we all filled our lungs with asbestos and our tummies with beer we contemplated just camping out and spending the night to have a good ghost sighting. Then we realized that much beer was to be had at the end so we continued on!
As the hash ended at Casa del Mangina things already started getting crazy as Greasy Lei started humping Just Tammy and Lord Mangina pretended to be taking a picture when in fact it was his next pleasure session video. Silence of the Clams and just Macy snuck off to….wouldn’t you like to know?
Switching gears. Greasy Lei now writing. To say things got blurry is an understatement, I’m pretty sure the un-used chloroform from Lady Red Rocket’s hash was finally put to use. Here’s what I do remember: I “accidentally” smacked Dirty Girl in the face with a wine glass, which ended up in lots of blood and a very kinky bathroom visit (I have a video to back that one up). We attempted somewhat of a circle in Mangina’s yard, much to his neighbor’s dismay. There was humping and drinking and an appearance by the hashit, “much rejoicing!!!” as we say. A major dance party continued in the living room as a few of us ladies were lucky enough to find Mangina’s wine stash and liquored ourselves up some more.
Successful hash indeed, however 9 months from now when we’re all popping out babies and getting rid of our std’s I’m sure we’ll be singing a different tune! I have some hilarious effing pics from the evening, but I’m so severely hungover right now that functioning enough to email them just isn’t a possibility.
Until next time wankers!!!
-Greasy Lei
PS holy f*ck was that long enough for you???