Hash #238 – Chase the Virgins Around Los Osos Hash
Wanks!
Who’s ready to see Lord Mangina lose a fight to a bush and violently throw up tonight? I know I am! It’s the She Who Cannot Be Named hash…. my favorite hash of the year! Be sure to wear all black, bring no headlamps and get your asses to the Fin’s parking lot at 6pm! This is not one to be missed.
It’s been a week since our BoneUs hash in Los Osos and I can honestly say that I don’t remember a damn thing! It might have been the muscle relaxer I took beforehand (which I’m kind of convinced was ecstasy…. thanks Mangina) or the fact that I’m a dumb blonde, but here goes my effort at retelling the events from the evening, I owe it to our 31 hares that night, if anything.
BoneUs Los Osos Hash:
Shockingly about 20+ people made it past the meth labs, dirt roads and faulty sewer plants as we met in the God awful town of Los Osos for a bonus hash week. The rain started to subside, although this still kept Spribkle Princess at home (and no I did not misspell his name), we downed a few beers outside the Nature Preserve and then off to chase our 4 virgin hares: Just Bridget, Just Kim, Just Brandon & Just Ethel. Just Ethel had never even been to a hash before, and here she was, haring on her first time. She popped more than one cherry that night, if ya know what I mean. Running along what looked like a swamp , it was f*cking humid as hell and we were quickly greeted with some jello shots, my fav! Beer stop #1 was next to the water and some canoes (I think) and then we continued on the dirt roads (because it’s ghetto ass Los Osos and they don’t understand what paved roads are) to a field (I think) where our next beer stop awaited. Stranger was carrying the hashit, which featured a now-decaying deer leg, not that that mattered because the sewer smell overpowered it anyways. Our 3rd and final beer stop was at the ever-so-classy joint, The Merrimaker (think the Gas Light Lounge meets Los Osos. The locals loved us) where we downed more beers then off to find our A and a half. We passed by an incredibly scary car accident then made it to Just Bridget’s back yard…. her milkshakes brought us there. (Side note: Wow is this my funniest write-up or what?)
Whatever pill I took had clearly kicked in at this point, because my memory is definitely fuzzy, but I remember some guy (no idea who) playing with a thong in his hand, and I was just like, huh, why is this dude holding some chick’s underwear? Of course, he’s a hasher, I should never really question that kind of thing. Our fill-in RA, Mr. Chi, was a lazy pile of sh*t and proceeded to lead the circle whilst sitting down in a lawn chair the whole time, it was for this reason that the group decided he was deserving of the hashit. I, for one, protested this, because I don’t want to smell the decaying deer leg, or this random thong that was then attached to it, in our garage, but alas, I lost. Then our virgin-virgin, Just Ethel, got to introduce herself and we quickly learned lots about her. First off, it was her thong. She had been snared and decided “why give up my jacket or shirt or shoe when I can give this strange man my underwear!!”. So she did. Where were we all when this girl was taking her pants off to give some dude her panties (that word is for you, Silence). He clearly spent the rest of the Hash just sniffing them and excusing himself to use the restroom…. damn bladder issues. We had forgotten to bring cups, so Just Ethel had a bottled beer to down, and down it she did! I know Rick James’ Bitch took a great video of the amazing deep-throating action that was going on (clearly this wasn’t Ethel’s first time being filmed while something was shoved down her throat…. perhaps this explains her willingness to lose her undies so fast?), but regardless, this girl was epic. She could surely teach a few lesson to some of you ladies out there.
Just Bridget was called into the circle because it was her 597th hash, she was haring, and she was still “Just Bridget”. Her sister spilled some entertaining details on her (none of which I remember, so I hope someone else does) and we once again decided to name her at another date. Us hashers sure do slack sometimes!
All in all, it was a very successful hash for our 4 virgin hares, despite the fact that they dragged our asses to BFE for it.
The whopping 3 photos that were taken can be seen here.
On- She Who Cannot Be Named!!!!! -On!
-Greasy