Hash #222 – Obsessed with More Beer Hash
Obsessed with More Beer Hash….aka the hash where I wanted to shank someone….mainly due to being promised beer upon beer upon beer only to be disappointed. There wasn’t even an ass smack or a boob check as promised! Hashers gathered in the back room at Spikes to guzzle down some pre-hash brewskies. Fuckin Strange carried through with her vow to bring the hash shit and prior to the taking off after our hares, Smurf Jerker assisted her in loading her wares on her back. Despite the extra pounds weighing on her, she was all smiles.
Then it was on-on as we chased after OHD and More Men Less Beer. We quickly lost the trail, however, due to insufficient flour. Even the pups couldn’t find the trail! After a few wrong turns we finally discovered the true trail up Madonna mountain and to our one and only beer stop. Dirty Girl’s dog, Dirty Frank apparently was pissed off…literally…as he proceeded to meander up to the bag of beer and let us know just what he thought of the Mike’s Hard Lemonade inside by pissing all over it. Nice job Frank! We continued up the mountain, apparently at one point missing the only other beer stop. OHD and More Men tried to booby trap us with barbed wire, which was no feat for us hashers as we jumped through those jagged edges avoiding injury. As usual, Just John, the overachiever that he is raced ahead of all of us only to find himself standing on one of the check points asking “Where’s the check?” Maybe if you stopped running ahead of us as if you were in the freaking Hunger Games you would be able to spot those checks a little better Just John!
The “dog friendly” trail continued into the masses of freaking farmers market. Hashers dispersed in every direction frantic to find the trail amidst the chaos of the crowds with no luck. Meanwhile, us hashers who brought our four legged friends were abandoned in the middle of the crowd only to be pelted with verbal assaults and scolded by strangers for bringing dogs to the market. It was at this point that we made the executive decision to abandon the trail and head straight to the beer at the end. You would think the drama would end there, but in typical SLO H3 style, it continued.
As we were minding our own business drinking our beers, trying to make up for the missed beer stops some biatch proceeded to tell us we had to move out of her parking lot. As she glared at us while calling the police, we quickly moved over to a different parking lot which happened to be right in front of the Christian radio station. Perfect for the sinners that we are! Boy did the Christian’s get a show as OHD pounded a Mike’s Hard Lemonade for her shitty hash and two virgins mooned us.
The sinning continued as we doused the newly named hashers (Lance Semi-Strong, Fore! Play, and Cum Summaries) with flour. As usual, some wanker had to take it too far as Fore!Play’s eye socket was filled to the brim with flour. When Matzo finds out who is to blame I have a feeling the zombie arm will make an appearance. Fuckin Strange finally got to rid of the hash shit to who else, but the honorable Dildo Baggins! Last but definitely not least, it was a sad goodbye to Back Door Weed Wacker who we’re sure will be back for more when she finds that no one else can fulfill her needs like SLO H3 can. We’ll miss you Back Door!
On-On to the next hash, my liver is ready for more!