Hash #250 – Sunday, May 5th, 2013 @ 1:00 pm: Drinko-de-Mayo Guerrilla Hash!

Re-cap:

There was a Canadian at your house yelling racial slurs? How inappropriate!

It was a fun Drinko-de-Mayo hash that included a whopping 7 of us… we begged our hares to shorten the trail so we could just get back to the boozing, they happily obliged. In true hasher form we ran the streets of SLO and ended up at an elementary school that was full of young children and parents. Spribkle Princess stayed his mandatory 300 feet away. Our 1st (and only) BN was at a car in a parking lot where we proceeded to drink margaritas and enjoy shots of tequila. A long, straight run through Cal Poly led to no beer and just a continued run back to our A. Finally we could booze it up again! Ole! Back at Dildo’s house we had circle-jerk time which included a dog attempting to lick a Canadian’s vagina and the spur-of-the-moment naming of Just Jared. He’s been haring with us since November, always seems to wear Pirate attire, and paints houses for a living. While we almost named him Goat F*cker (our New Orleans transplant hasher was begging for it), we ended up talking about his painting career. We decided he spackles for a living and wanted to include that word…. because who doesn’t giggle when they hear spackle? I don’t know if it was X-Rated or Always Going Down, but one of them blurts out, “He doesn’t spackle! He paints! He just spits it out!”. And just like that, a name was born. So say goodbye to Just Jared, and say hello to I Spit It Out. Always Going Down anointed him her cousin for their similar extracurricular activities and we proceeded to throw flour at Spribkle in his honor. Corn hole and beer pong commenced, as well as a delicious bbq and too many margaritas. All in all a successful guerilla hash!

-Oily F*ck

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Attention Wankeros and Wankeritas!

To celebrate the Mexican victory over invading French-Surrender-Monkeys, Just-Wes and I will be haring a guerrilla hash this Sunday, May 5th. With the power of our two Mexican halves combined, you can look to an amazing trail complete with hopping barbed wire fences, camping out in front of Home Depot, dodging ‘La Migra’, and a siesta (or is that just us being lazy?) !

When: this Sunday, 1:00
Where: Santa Rosa Park
What to bring: sombrero, poncho, filthy mustache, $5, new shoes, etc.
(Chi, you can leave your lady-jeans and shit-kickers at home.)
Other: trail is dog friendly

On-Àndale!

D’Bagg

Hey Wankers!!

Thank you X-rated Butt Pirate and Greasy Lay for stepping up and offering to co-hare. You others were kind of quite?

So this will be a Rick James’ Bitch / X-rated Butt Pirate hash team.

It will be an A-A trail starting at Black Horse Coffee on Broad, next to the Cole Dodge dealer. For those of you directionally challenged here is the map link. http://goo.gl/maps/XB0rl
There will be a turkey trail, it will be a “flat” trail and there will not be a YBF.

Even though Rick James will not be joining us because he is on the mend, the trail will be dog friendly.

On On to Thursdays hash then on to Mini Skirt Hash!

Rick James’ Bitch

Hash #248 – Thursday, April 11, 2013: Exocet Over a Beaver Hash

Think of this a really witty well written announcement about the upcumming hash.

Meet at DeVaul Park SLO at the end of Madonna Rd. Now for those of you that are directionally challenged there are only two ends of Madonna rd. One end is at S. Higuera St. the other end shouldn’t have to be explained because it’s the park.

Hares: Exocet and Over a Beaver or is it Exocet over a Beaver?

6:00 P.M.

Route: A-A

Transvestites, hookers, wankers, harriettes, pole dancers, sexual deviates, strippers, flashers (no Stranger-not you), exhibitionist, sodomist, cross dressers, porn stars, sheep shaggers, drunks and persons of ill repute will be there i.e. the usual crowd.

The hares promise that there are no hills, creeks, swamps, sink holes, cliffs, rogue waves, fault zones, toxic waste dumps, poison oak, or dueling banjo’s on this hash….. Ummm………. well sort of promise.

And yes you can bring your little doggie and his or her very own doggie bag.

On On

Hash #247 – Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 6:00 pm: The Red Rocket Fill in Hash

Can you believe it, hash details a full day before the hash!! It’s almost as exciting as a negative pregnancy test . . .

Since our Silent Taint Support flaked on showing us their Clams and Taints, the Red Rocket is stepping up to fill in!

Where: SLO Train Station, all the way at the end, by the Caboose (because who doesn’t like to be in the rear?)
When: 6pm, hare away at 6:15
A-A
Pup & Pussy Friendly
No ID Needed
$5 (plus extra for the Gonorrhea cream you’ll need)
Pre-Lube at Gus’s Starts at 5!

Here’s a link for those of you too drunk or stupid (or both) to know where the train station is:
TRAIN STATION FOR IDIOTS

ON – Flat Trail – ON
-Rocket

Saturday, March 16, 2013 @ 3:00 pm – SLOH3 Red Dress Run!

Hash is A to C where you end up!!!

A: Luis Wine Bar 1021 Higuera SLO

Bring: 5 bucks for beer, money to donate to code3foracure.com, money for food/on after, dignity to lose on trail, money to buy sloh3 booty shorts when you lose your panties on trail.

There is a prelube option at Manrock Brewing Company: 191 S. Oak Park Blvd. Ste 3 in Grover Beach they have a 5 beer sampler for 5 bucks and Stacked Sandwiches is next door if you want lunch. You can then make your way to the A afterward.

Wankers feel free to forward this to other hashes I only have Slo and SB access.

On my arse is too sore to run On
OHD

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Hey Wanks

Thanks to everyone who came out for red dress and to those who donated money for charity. We had so much beer leftover that we have enough for next hash I think this is a crime!!!

National Foundation for Autism Research and Code3foraCure are both happy recipients of our hard earned beer money.

Special Thanks to Greasy Lay who dropped everything to do an amazing circle as stand in RA. Don’t worry she’s allowed to forget to ask the virgin for a song joke or body part there were so many body parts showing the virgin didn’t need to show any. In true form Always Going Down lived up to her name once again going down. That’s 3 for 3.

On on
OHD

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I was on penis-overload to ask some girl to show her tits! Special thanks to Python and Rock Out With Your Cock Out (who certainly rocked out with his manscaped cock out!) and who ever else flashed me their goodies therefore distracting me from the work at hand.

And who doesn’t like a hash where you end up at the Gas Light taking shot after shot!

On – until the next penis showing – On
-Greasy Lei

Hash #245 – Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 6:00 pm

Trail is A to A. A is the over flow parking lot at The Cliffs. Trail will consist of both a Eagle and Turkey trail, and will be dog friendly.
Time: 6:00 pm
Things to Bring: Virgins, head lamp, I.D.

What to expect: Beer, bad decision making, boob checks and maybe some sex on the beach…

On..Thanks!..On
Butt-load O’ Homo

Thursday, February 14, 2013 @ 6:00 pm- Hash #244: Valentines Day Hash

Okay wanks its that moment you’ve all been waiting for… 5:00 on Monday of course

That other moment being finding out where the trail will be set on my favorite day of the year. The one where we all celebrate how much we love beer and I love hashing!
Trail is A to A. A is Johnson ranch trailhead off South Higuera and Ontario
Time: 6:00 pm
Bring: a hot virgin or significant other or your hot virgin’s significant other, someone who needs a social life on the SAD day of the year, someone who needs love, (head)lamp, 5 bucks and lots of LOVE!
Wear: RED

On I love hareing On
OHD

It has come to my attention that I may or may not have slacked in recent months about getting you your hash recaps in a “timely manner”. So lookit here, less than 24 hours later!

Last night started at Spikes with a decent turn out. Our virgin hares, Just Jen & SPF69 were off and informed us that there would be 5 (yup! 5!) beer stops and at each one was a deck of cards for us. At the end of the hash each hasher would have 5 cards….. Sounds perfect for Texas Holds ‘Em, right?

Wrong.

We left the bar and weaved throughout the streets and ended up at the Creeky Tiki for our first beverage. Half the group took off immediately (because they are pussies and didn’t want a drink) leaving the other half behind. When we finally left the bar we were instantly lost amongst the Farmer’s Market. After roaming the streets looking for any sign of flour, I did a major no-no and used my cell phone and called Burnin’ Rubbers (the FRB) and asked where the f*ck they were. Madonna Mountain (that’s Cerro San Luis for you, Matzo), of course, we were way off trail.

Burnin’ calls me again (technology on trail?! For shame!!!) and tells me they “mismarked” all the checks to mess with us and send us the wrong way. Thanks a lot, a$$holes! So we’re on Madonna and our group splits again, this time leaving me and 5 other people to fend for ourselves. With no flour or chalk in sight, we said f*ck it and started running back to Spikes.

In defense, we got a great little evening jog in…. But in reality, f that! We sat at Spikes with our frosty beers and waited… And waited….

Within the next hour countless hashers returned, all defeated with the trail. But where were our hares?

After what seemed like another hour the hares finally returned and looked shocked that almost everyone was there. Yea dude, your trail was way too confusing! It reminded me of this terrible one in Santa Margarita a couple years ago……

Anywho…. We start circle-jerk time across the street which was full of laughs and asses (body parts, yea!) so that partially made up for it. We voted not to name Just Jen despite the fact that it was her 79th hash…… That trail was atrocious and thou shall be punished!!

Burnin’ Rubbers and Buzz Shite Rear showed up as we were literally finishing. 8.8 miles!!! Bravo ladies, bravo! They bragged about all their sex on trail and for obtaining all 5 poker cards. Whatever show-off’s…. We got to sit and drink beer the whole time so take that!

My one and only photo (I should have never been put in charge of pics) is of Spribkle’s bloody leg….. 6th period I believe is his new name?

This is (what should be) my final pathetic sense of a recap for you piles of $hit. As much as it’s been entertaining being the bitchy voice of the hash and making fun of most of you, it’s been quite a daunting task.

You’re welcome

-Greasy Lei

Greasy Lei wanted a sober recap and asked not to be upstaged. No problem I was not a journalism major I just stayed sober!

This was the first hash I wish I could drink to drown the disappointment from our lazy arse last minute hares who laid a trail out the back door of spikes around the block and back in the front door of spikes.

God bless Chi for saving the day he started what he called an Indian Lay.

Chi brought us to our first beer check where we waited for Sprinkle Princess who we snared, but he soon learned it was cold and he wasn’t wearing enough layers to give to each of us wankers so he stayed fully clothed.

It was Butt Load O Homo off to lay the next segment of Indian trail which led to his house, but at this point part of the group had a brilliant idea to head for a guerrilla beer check at Stubby Python’s Casa. Python being oh so chivalrous treated the wankers to beer and shots in his 80 degree house. Thanks Python!!!

It was back to Spikes for circle where our only female Virgin Alejandra proceeded to tell us all about her racist aspirations all while telling a racist joke but not showing any body parts.

Our other virgin Kyle showed nipple and said crossfit and I don’t remember anything that happened after that.

I do remember something about Just Jen saying she wanted to lay trail and SPF 69 volunteering to help. Yeah Our illustrious hare raiser can rest easy!

On I hope I don’t die in 2 weeks On

OHD

Thursday, January 3, 2013 – Hash #241: The Stranger “Danger Watch Out for That Semi” Hash

Ask and ye shall receive….. You ungrateful assholes

Stranger (Danger! Watch out for that semi) Strong Trail recap:

Wow well this is only over a month overdue but some little vagina (cough cough Stranger) has his panties in a twist and wanted me to actually do my designated job. Horse shit!

Anywho, here’s the quickest recap ever. As always, the 3rd annual Stranger New Year hash, this time with the helping hands of Lance Semi Strong, was a great trail.

We were essentially in the woods and on different trails the whole time, I’m pretty sure tequila was involved, and every beer stop was accompanied with a podium where a lucky gal was fortunate enough to flash us. Not everyone got this concept, although Just Grace and Just Kim’s awesome headstands were pretty legit.

The trail was A-B so the whole time I was envisioning we’d be ending up in some cool bar or someone’s nice, warm home. But nope. We ended up on a bridge in the middle of nowhere. Now this may not sound so bad, however, this was literally the coldest hash known to man. We didn’t even have a trash can with a fire going, hell even bums get that! We were officially more pathetic than bums.

Due to this frigid cold we had the quickest circle-jerk ever and wanted to forgo the 93 namings we had to do (even though we had hardly any names thought up), but alas, Rick James’ Bitch was being a little bitch and insisted we name them. So in a guerrilla-style, no time for complaints fashion, this is what we came up with, which I think are all quite appropriate given the people and circumstances.

Just Brenden: PedELFile
Just Bryan: Uncle Dirty Dick
Just Bridget: Overabeaver
Just Kim: Ditch Bitch
Just Grace: Fuk Me
Just Ethyl: Fuk Yoo

We got the hell out if AG as fast as we possibly could, and props to Stranger & Semi Strong for an awesome trail. It wasn’t their fault it was frigid cold and they led us to a abandoned bridge waiting to get raped (which later occurred in Python’s creeper van as we piled in 11 people and 5 dogs back to the A. Seriously).

The f*ckin end. There, happy Stranger??

-Oily Fuk