Song Books: $12
As your haBeaver-dasher, I wanted to let you know about the newest acquisition to our hash goodies… Song books! I got these books because they are perfect for those of you that don’t know any songs!
Shown in the attached picture, they are laminated cards with songs printed on them! On the front card is our hash’s logo, the back card is a card that you can get with your name on it, in between is a pile of hash songs and all are on a ring so that you can wear it easily on your lanyard!
Some of the cards have the first line of popular songs so if you are feeling flustered or are busy scratching that rash, just start with a one liner that everyone (supposedly) will join in on. Some of the songs are variations to some of the traditional songs that you probably don’t know, either! And there are songs that are particular to the crime committed, such as DFL, auto hashing or having forgotten your whistle… there is even one for racism! Following that are the words for over a hundred hash songs… with this song book, you will never have to worry about having to drink because you don’t know any! And if you are a man, it will make your penis larger and get you laid and as you go through your day you will be accompanied by the “brown chicken brown cow” 70′s porno sound track music just like in the movies! And if you are a girl, its the same as above except that it is your portable penis pet that will get larger… it will be the envy of men and women alike… because really, come on? Who doesn’t want a big penis? Everyone wants a big penis! When I’m feeling blue, I go to my happy place… and there’s a big penis in it! Yes, yes, yes! “I’m dreaming of a big penis…” (sung to the tune of “White Christmas)…
The SLOH3 Hapi Coat: $47
Hapi coats! Hapi coats! Hapi coats! The perfect apparel to wear in circle! They are functional and hashionable at the same time! Two beer-sized inside pockets and on the back of it is the SLOH3 logo… the drunk *again!* SLO hare sprawled on top of the Seven Sisters. Your name is embroidered over your left breast (Yes, I said “breast”! Get over it you “I get no sex” wanks!). Sew your patches on it! Wear it in our circle or if you travel to a different hash! Pass out in it next to the dumpster behind Circle K, waking up in time to find yourself covered with convenience store debris such as old corn dog sticks and gooey hamburger wrappers all the while being molested by a homeless man’s mangy dog…
These have to be ordered ahead of time and take about six weeks to get here.
Ladies Short Sleeve Blingy On On Shirt, Black: $20
This is a black cotton girlie tee with a deep cut vee neckline… What better way to show off your Girls? And in bling bling it says On On across the front, one On for each Girl! All inside a blingy hash foot! It may not be able to get you a date with a hot hasher, but at least you will look dead sexy while practicing your come hither looks over a Natty Light!
Drinker with a Running Problem Shirt: $12.75
A long sleeve white cotton tee… that’s what it be! On the front it proudly proclaims what you are… A drinker with a r*nning problem! On the back is a picture of the SLOH3 hare contentedly burping beer on a mountain top looking like he’s played one game of Tippy Cup too many.
On-On Baseball Hat: $10
If you like wearing hats while r*nning but you have only those of a rascist persuasion, this fine piece of headgear is meant for you! Available in a number of colors with an On-on patch on the front… You will still have to drink if you leave it on in circle, but at least your head will be hashionably dressed as you do your down-down, you stupid wank!
SLOH3 Grey Hoodie: $20
For those cold, sissy, Nancy wanks who get cold after a r*n and need something to snuggle up with (in lieu of the hasher/harriette who will cozy up to everyone BUT you…) this sweatshirt is exactly what you’ve been looking for! SLOH3 is emblazoned on the front and a rebus on the back depicting a beer + something = something and beer. I got lost at the beer part. I like tater tots!
SLOH3 Dribalance Short Sleeve Manly Moisture Wicking Shirt: $25
A short sleeved white moisture wicking shirt made for the menfolk… SLOH3 is on the front and the SLOH3 hare is drunk *again!!* on the back. And I know some of the mens out there have an issue about things being short, but I assure you, wearing a short sleeve shirt has none of the “short” stigma attached to it. Unless you decide to wear your it and nothing else… that’s right, you’re in your short sleeve shirt and you’ve got your short comings out there for everyone to see… I can’t help you there. I don’t want to.
SLOH3 Dribalance Long Sleeve Manly Moisture Wicking Shirt: $30
Yeah, what the short sleeve shirt stuff says except this one has long sleeves. And everyone knows what that means! Long arms! With its moisture wicking super powers, if you manly men wear this shirt you will be as fresh as the Old Spice guy after a run!
Hash Fish decal Jebus Fish Thingy: Price coming soon…
There is the Jebus fish. INRI… what does that stand for anyway? “I’m Not Really Impotent”? There is the Darwin fish… it has legs! And then there is the hashing fish, it has legs, feet and a beer! And the symbology behind the making of it… (Yes, I thought of this while drinking beer!) Hashers are more evolved than Darwinists… because alcohol is a preservative! A wonderful preservative! It will make hashers live forever! At the End of Time there will be us hashers with our beer and Twinkies!
LED Lights: $2
Forget your flashlight or headlamp at home? And the worthless wank who promised to be your flashlight buddy ditched you? With one of these little LED lights, made for easy wearing on a keychain or lanyard, you can get yourself out of the scary dark places and find some beer!
On On Stickers: $1
Are you ready for you and your car to come out and proclaim to the world you are a hasher? This is an On-on foot made for sticking … on things that sticky things will stick to, but mostly it’s used on hasher’s cars. *Special note- Coming out as a hasher is not the same as “coming out” in the gay/lesbian community. You will not get the toaster that emits rainbows. I include this just in case you really wanted a toaster that emitted rainbows. Which is understandable, it’s pretty coolie, sorta like a unicorn farting rainbows except it’s an appliance and it can’t fart?*
SLOH3 Foot Stickers: $1
Just like the On on stickers, but instead of On-on, these say SLOH3. And you still don’t get that toaster.
Name Necklace: $10
Get your hash name on a necklace!
SLOH3 Lanyard With Whistle (in case you lost the free one): $5;
SLOH3 Lanyard No Whistle $2
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