A drinking group with a running problem

Previous Hashes

SLO Hash #369 (cause three sixty-nines are better than one)

It’s the 369th Running of the San Luis Obispo Hash House Harriers.

Where: Islay Park, corner of Orcutt and Tank Farm, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 United States, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe

Come to my shitty trail…that is all.

When: meet at 6 PM, hares away by 6:30 PM

Who: Chocolate Starfish and the Hamburglar Flavored Water

What: my shitty trail

What to bring:
Hash Cash ($5)
your hot sister/mom/cousin/friend
cranium lamp


SLOH3 – Hash# 368 – The Drunken Truffle Shuffle

HASH 368 April 19 @ 6pm

Drunken Truffle Shuffle
Brought to you by Cums Sporadically and Chilly Willy
Meet at the parking lot on Shell Beach Rd and Beachcomber Dr in Shell Beach.
Wear your tutu and new shoes!
Bring $$, ID, wild virgins, headlamps, (who said head) whistles, low morals , backsliders and a new hash song.

Stroller, dog and Goonies friendly


Cums Sporadically

SLO Hash# 367 The Randy Fresh Hash

Oooooohhhkay. 6pm behind Old Navy, next to the dumpsters, where you belong, we’re meeting for tomorrow’s hash. Bring the usual: virgins, dirty whores, IDs, cash, dogs, whistles, candy, and your sparkling personalities.
On-it like a hobo on a ham sandwich-On.


SLO Hash# 366 Chocolate Starfish and Flogging Wood’s Wet and Wild Hash

So, perhaps you thought a little rain would deny you of a Hash Trail.  Well, you thought wrong Wanker!  Drop your cocks (or other genitalia) and grab your shiggy socks.  It’s about to get weird.

What you should bring to this Hash:

Cash and ID (so you can be identified later)

Lube, Virgins and your best Vajazzle

Where:  https://goo.gl/maps/Re5waeCiC142

When: 6pm  (the same time we usually start this debacle)

See you tomorrow

SLO Hash #365 – The Big Chilly Style Hash

Come on down for a night of old school beats and hip hop feats!
Show up to 16th St Park in Grover Beach, 6PM Thurs 3/8.
Bring $5, ID, virgins, backsliders, cash, credit, money order, check or debit on trail, headlamp, virgins, maybe dog friendly, maybe not! I’ll know when I figure out the trail!
On the beat On
Chilly Willy

SLO Hash #364: Running of the SLOH3: Gettin’ Shiggy With It Hash

Hey, you! You with the face! It’s about that time again for another glorious running of the SLOH3! We got a A-A shiggylicious trail for you with a “tough” and “easy” split, 3 beer checks if you take the “easy” route. Chocolate Starfish (that’s me) will be doing a chalk talk right before hares away because some wanker as last trail asked me what “R U” meant. On-fucking-On


Hares: Cums Sporadically and Chocolate Starfish & the Hamburglar Flavored Water

Where: Cuesta Canyon County Park at the end of Loomis in San Luis Obispo

When: Hash Beer @ 6:00 PM
Chalk Talk @ 6:30 PM
Hares Away @ 6:35

What to bring:
Virgins (who drink for free)
cranium lamp
dry bag
$ for bar check
Your hot sister
New Shoes
Low Morals
Bad Judgement
Shiggy Socks
$ for HAB
oh yeah, and VIRGINS!


SLO Hash #363: What the fuck was I thinking Hash

398 Sunrise Terrace, Arroyo Grande, CA 93420
Alright you wankers! pull your panties out your ass cracks and listen up! There will be a trail at this location (the office building to the left) on Thursday night. Show up with these items…. head lights , head protection, brains, wallets, $5 money and maybe a fucking virgin!?
The trail is somewhat dog friendly. If you can lift the bastard over a fence.
Ohhh grave robber, cums with instructions ohhh

SLO Hash #362: Just Dylan’s Virgin Lay with Special Guest Co-Hare: Backsliding Douchebag Loser Baby Dick Legally Retarded….. Cums With Instructions

Just Dylan’s Virgin Lay with Special Guest Co-Hare: Backsliding Douchebag Loser Baby Dick Legally Retarded….. Cums With Instructions

⭐WHEN: Thursday, January 25th, 2018 @ 6pm

⭐WHERE: “The SLO” Apartments parking lot. Address is 1050 Foothill Blvd, San Luis Obispo, CA 93405. There is access to the parking lot from Foothill Blvd or Santa Rosa Street (aka HWY 1). Meet more towards the Foothill side of the lot. Here’s a pin drop you effing half minds….

⭐WHAT: a SHITTY trail from a Harrier who’s never laid trail and a Wanker who hasn’t laid a trail (or gotten laid) in 2 years.

⭐BRING: headlamps, $5 + bail $, snorkels, knee pads, new shoes, backsliders, virgins, technologies, 1st aid kits, skeleton keys, inflatable sex dolls, and tick repellent. ALWAYS bring $ and ID on trail!!

⭐LEAVE: your 4 legged friends (unless they know how to jump fences, or you are strong enough to pick them up and throw them over since dogs always land on their feet). $100 in my GoFundMe account. Skid marks in your tighty whities . And… your dignity… seriously, your dignity has no place here!!! Leave that shit at home!!!


~Just Dylan & Cums With Instructions

SLO Hash #361: She Who Cannot Be Named Hash

Time: Thursday, January 11th, 2018 at 6:00 PM (unless you like beer, beer lovers show up at 5:00) hairs away at 6:15
Location: Go to the very end of Grand Ave. We will be in the Finns parking lot right next to the beach. Beer lovers will be in Finns drinking beer.
This is the analual “She Who Cannot Be Named Hash”. Expect lots of flat beach r*nning.  This trail is perfect for dogs and young children alike (jk – don’t bring your kids). There will also be beers and r*nning and beers and beers and then some shitty beers.
The sortted history of this local hash gose way way back. Details are shrouded in dark roumors and shady hearsay. Due to active gag orders, court documents, judges rulings and ankle jewelry I am not at liberty to release any more details on this particular hash’s history at this time.
In an effort to change this gloomy hash into a fun and exciting event,  we are asking that your r*nning attire be bright and uplifting. There will be alomost no moon that night. So, I will bring safty vests for any virgins and also I will bring extra neon 80’s type glow in the dark garments for those who are not quite looking bright and cheery enought for this festive event.

To Bring List:
Bright clothing
Perky attitude
Hide-a-Key for your car (seriously, find a way to hit trail without your keys in your pocket.)
Head lamp
Gag ball
A healthy disregard for common public decency
Gimp Suit
I wanted to make double sure that there will be pleanty of shitty beer at this event so, can the Biermister please contact me?
I am excited to hare this event and to see all of you Thursday night. I will be the Boy George looking dude.
Praise go to G!
-Sprinkle Princess

SLO Hash #360: WEDNESDAY xxxMas Hash!

Come on out WEDNESDAY 12/13/17 for the last Hash of the year!

Be sure to dress in your xxx-Mas best!
There will be a Shiggy Sock White Elephant exchange at the On-After, be sure to bring a pair of wrapped new socks to participate.
There will also be Erections for Hash Mismanagement, be sure to submit your name or volunteer someone else for a position! Online survey to be sent out on 12/14 with announcements at the first Hash of 2018.
Show up at Manrock Brewing in Grover Beach on the back patio at 6PM WEDNESDAY 12/13/17!
Bring $5, ID, lube, virgins, socks, & headlamp!
On reindeer on!
Chilly Willy

SLO Hash #359: Wee Bit Nipply Hash

Wee Bit Nipply Hash!
Pack your coonskin cap, rifle and willy warmer, and join us for an escapade through an arctic paradise. How could this end? Possibly in a polar bear swim or sacrificial burning. Amateur explorers are encouraged to attend but risk getting mauled by a polar bear or plummeted by snowballs. It should also be noted that navigational skills of expedition leaders may be lacking.
Sled dogs and reindeer welcome.
Meet at 18:00 on 11/30/17 at Fin’s parking lot
Bring $5, ID, whistle, headlamp, fur coat, ice pick and Gorilla mask.
On On,
Just Ellen & Asspionage


SLO Hash #357: Fresh Whore Hash

Attention all you old, tired, worn out, dirty whores: This is the Fresh Whore Hash!  Grab your yet-to-be-defiled virgins and youngsters.  If you can’t find any, maybe we’ll run into some along the way.  Maybe at an elementary school…. a park… a bus stop…  because the best thing about twenty eight year olds is there’re twenty of them.


Bring headlamps, shiggy socks, $5, balloon animals, puppies, and candy.

See you in SLO at the Graduate at 6pm 11/16/17  with supplies.


Eat Fresssshhh and Randy Whorehol.




Wankers and Wankettes,

Colonel Sanders is prepared to take you through a whirlwind hash to the bottom depths of his “notorious” bucket. Who’s in?!?! Let’s get greasy!!
When: Thursday, November 2nd @ 6pm

Where: Rancho Grand Park in Arroyo Grande

Hares: Finger Lickn Good and DJ Glitter Piss

Details: Turkey-Eagle split, furry friendly (humans or pets), virgins encouraged

Don’t forget to bring: ID, cash, headlamps (it’s gonna be DARK), dental dams, shiggy socks, paper towels, floss, virgins, extra VIRGINS and tuna. No lube required.

We do chiggen right,

Finger Lickn Good & DJGP

SLO Hash #355: Blood Hash

Ladies and gentlemen, Bastards and tramps, Bloodsuckers and mother lovers, Road trash and vamps, To the virgins and the nymphs, To all the harrietts, wankers and backsliders seeking graves,
Welcome to the SLO Hash House Harriers.

Its been a long summer so I’m glad to see you made the cut… until now.
Cum join us if you dare.  Wear your scariest and/or fleshiest for this ghoulish run.

Shiggy socks, headlamp, 5 bux, your wits,  and whistle are needed.  Dogs, snakes, and bats welcome.
The terror and torture starts at: Price historical park in Pismo Beach.
Meet up at 6pm.   10/19/17
We are your hosts Just Phil and Just Monica,
Masters of Ceremony
Gods of the race,
Welcome to the meanest, sexiest, hardest, Hash in the world.

SLO Hash #354: One Flew Over the CaCa’s Nest Hash

SLO Hash #354: One Flew Over the CaCa’s Nest Hash

Come out to SLO on 10/5/17 for an arousing romp over hill and dale.
Where? Johnson Park in San Luis Obispo

When? Meet at 6:00, hare away at 6:15ish
Who? Hares, harrietts, wankers, backsliders, virgins, halfminds, muggles and more!
What to expect? 100% live hare trail with no prelay, dog friendly, MAYBE a turkey/eagle split, depends on whether or not my bunions act up again.
What to bring? $5, shiggy socks, lube, headlamp, and loose morals
On to my shitty trail On,
Chilly Willy

SLO Hash #353: Hottie and Jizzy and Shiggy, Oh, my!

Hot Jizz, the Hare Dream Team, bring to you 3 miles of flat, dry trail with absolutely no shiggy or sand (2% true).

Shiggy socks, $5,  headlamps, and whistling apparatus required.

Start at Cloisters Community Park in Morro Bay, 9/21/17 at 6:00PM

On to Morro Bay On,

Hottie Potty & Jizz Gluten Free

SLO Hash #352: The Cumming Sporadically Hash!

SLO Hash #352: The Cumming Sporadically Hash! 

Tomorrow night is a Cumming Sporadically hash hared by our very own Cums Sporadically… And good times will be had by all who cum!!  (In my head… And possibly now yours… every time I say cum or cumming in this email it sounds like cum is being said through a didgeridoo… it really is such a great word that should be pronounced with some Aboriginal enhancement…)
It has a turkey eagle split! It is dog friendly! Cat friendly! Lizard friendly! Weird friend you wouldn’t associate with in a group of muggles but the hash is ok friendly! Prolly not pervy uncle friendly… though that depends on what his perv groove is?
It’s A to A, start is at Finn’s in Grover… congregate in the dirty area of the parking lot because apparently the paved portion is usually hogged by muggles. And we belong in the dirty area.  We just do.

Standard requirements, $5, a license if you want to prelube at Finn’s and look like you’re a member of a boy band … or a member of Josie and the Pussycats.  Hmm.  Josie is a little dated. She is prolly beyomd “the change” now.  Ok, if you could pass as a wicked young version of Josie. Or a Pussycat?
You can also bring what Matzo usually recommends… saran wrap, baby oil, loosened morals (assuming you have them) and low expectations.  Hmm. I am not sure if that is a hash requirement for him or what he used to expect from his dates?
This is Cums first solo trail and it is gonna be awesome sauce!! (Get it, sauce… cums… And here is my inner 12 year old boy! Oop! Just farted and giggled! Cuz you know, 12 year old boy…)
Don’t be like Norah Jones singing that song of hers “I don’t know why I didn’t cum?”  Make sure you do cum!  On trail! Reading this email! Looking at shoes!!  Reading a Good Housekeeping article about cum spot removal!!
Honestly, to me Norah just sounds like she had a really sad one night stand, but I haven’t listened to any of the lyrics beyond “I don’t know why I didn’t cum?” I tend to hear she didn’t cum and then my ears lock up and my brain goes into 12 year old boy mode, “She didn’t cum!!” coupled with an immature giggle and some fart noises.
Deets again, just in case you had your ears lock up about the lack of cumming Norah… or fart noises…
6 pm tomorrow in the dirty part of Finn’s parking lot
Bring $5 and virgins!
And your inner 12 year old boy!
This is a PSA for Cums… meaning a Pelvic Service Announcement… her hash is going to get some juices going!! *giggles followed by a fart noise*
On on to the Cumming Sporadically hash!!
Da Beav
Honey Badger don’t care what kind of phone this was sent from!

SLO Hash #351: Lazy Mofo Hash

SLO Hash #351: Lazy Mofo Hash
Alright, you lazy fucks! Get the fact that PBR is a hipster beer out of your fucking minds and jump into some hashing goodness.

Location: Big ass parking lot next Lady Family Mortuaries on 555 Fair Oaks Ave in Arroyo Grande. FYI You can’t fucking miss it!
Items to bring: Monies, ID, Fleshlight, Virgins, dog and cat-friendly
On 3 on 2 on 1 go
Grave Robber
“Still waiting on your mom to call me back!”

SLO Hash #350: Jizz On Trail Cayucos Hash

SLO Hash #350: Jizz On Trail Cayucos Hash

Can on out, stretch your legs, and try and catch Jizz in Cayucos!
Thursday 8/10/17 6PM
Bring $5, virgins, guests, visitors, moms,  dads, and backsliders
Location: end of 24th Street parking lot at the beach in Cayucos
On slippery trails on,
Chilly Jizz


SLO Hash #349: Pop My Hairy Cherry Hare Hash

SLO Hash #349: Pop My Hairy Cherry Hare Hash

Cum out to San Luis Obispo and run, walk, jog, roll, leap, and/or skip this juicy cherry trail.
Meet 7/27 at 6:00PM at the end of Bridge Street in SLO.

Bring $5, virgins, lotion/lube, cash & ID on trail, shiggy socks, whistles, and brand spankin new running shoes!
Trail is dog friendly but requires both parties be attached to a leash, turkey/eagle split for those show off FRBs.
On On,
Chilly Willy & Just Phil

SLO Hash #348: Fresh Randy Osos Hash

SLO Hash #348: Fresh Randy Osos Hash

Meet 07/13 at 6pm at the end of Pecho Road, Los Osos.
Go down (all the way down) LOVR, deep into Los Osos, turn right on Pecho Road (right past Monarch Grove Elementary School), park at the end of the street.
There will be turkey/eagle spit, dogs welcome, no ID necessary.
Bring $5, a virgin, a whistle, a turkey (or an eagle) (or a baby duck)… (any bird is welcome).
Early birds get the worm – we have choice beer at the start.  And it will be cold!  The beer, not the trail.
On-lick it-On
Eat Fresh & Randy Whorehol

SLO Hash #347: Chilly Shots and Virgin Thotts Hash

  1. SLO Hash #347: Chilly Shots and Virgin Thotts Hash

Cum out, cum out wherever you are!

Rumor has it there will be virgins on trail, only one way to find out so bring your speculum!

Meet at Rancho Grande park in Arroyo Grande at 6:00pm tomorrow,  6/29!
Two, three, and four legged hashers are welcome.
No need for Turkey/Eagle split on this ezpz flour trail.
On this live hare trail On,
Chilly Willy

SLO Hash #346: A Backsliders Journey

SLO Hash #346: A Backsliders Journey

Alright you wanks,
Listen up! Cum one, Cum all to the Backsliding Hash.
It is time to put beers back into your hands on Thursdays! Merica!
No more lazy Thursdays masturbating alone or doing work for the man.

We need to get out and do shit…. Like fuck with horns on our heads!
When: June 1st at 6:00ish (Hares away at 6:30)
Where: Hero Community Park
1600 Farroll Rd, Grover Beach, CA 93433

Items you’ll need > Lube, head gear that provides light, $5 big ones, yourself and maybe a friend.

This is a dog-friendly trail and it has a Turkey, Eagle where you can split and splat yourself to an every good time.
On Meow On

Grave Robber

SLO Hash #345: The Eewhore Strikes Back!

SLO Hash #345: The Eewhore Strikes Back!
Be afraid… be VERY afraid!!!
I was buzzing last hash and decided to cave to the peer pressure and say,  “SURE I’ll hare the next hash all by my weee lonesome” and have been regretting it ever since.  So you wankers are going to TAKE this trail I feed you and LICK IT!
Oops, I meant ‘like’ it… or did I????  Muhahahaaaaaa!!!
Just kidding.  I am kind and gentle and with the help of my also kind and gentle pappy and offspring, have planned a nice, flat, freshly-paved-only well-lit street trail with nothing but rainbow farts to occupy your thoughts.  But JUST IN CASE I change my mind, you will want to bring every kind of protection you can think of.  Even the morning after pill.  YES this trail will be so HOT that if there is NO sex on trail, I’ll be truly disappointed.  Bring your snorkels and fins, shiggy socks, bug spray, condoms (ribbed and lubed you cheapskates!), Tecnu, antibiotics, Kevlar, Xanax, bubble gum, WD-40 and duct tape.  Oh yeah and $5 and a light and a WHISTLE and CHALK you freaking lazy bastards! Cum prepared!  You’re gonna need all of these things I promise you.  There is a turkey/eagle split and a wonderful surprise and the 2nd beer check.  Mutt friendly for the most part but I did see some poison oak very close to trail (on the eagle) so no bitching about not being made aware of it ahead of time.  Who am I kidding?  If there’s anything hashers are good at, it’s bitching!
Meet at 6pm this Thursday 4/20/17 in the parking lot of the medical plaza on the northeast side of Oak Park and James Way in Pismo Beach / AG border.  Try 911 Oak Park Rd in Pismo on your techno-assistant for you directionally-impaired sods. Good spot is the parking lot right past building 911 – elevated a bit and off to the left on its lonesome… just like me.  (cue violin music)
Ohmigawd REALLY?  You need a pin?  OK here you go:
Hand-delivering sloppy wet kisses as usual,
Eeeeeewhore  (gonna make U my biyotch Thursday!)