Hash #223 – Boobs Across The Board
“Boobs Across The Board” hash
We gathered at Sinsheimer Park as we awaited our “mystery hare”, OHD giddy with excitement. But of course, in true hasher style, surprise! There was no hare! Just a map and a partial pre-lay but our faithful hare raiser, Burnin’ Rubbers (Who, by the way, decided for forgo joining us for the hash and opted for the Blue’s baseball game right next door. Wtf Rubbers? Are we not good enough for you or something? You park your truck at the A and then leave?!!! Rude! I’m pretty sure abandoning your hashers is a crime of some sort. Hopefully I’ll be sober enough at the next one to remember to call you out…… But who am I kidding, I can’t stay sober).
Anywho…. A newly named hasher, Lance Semi Strong was voted to become the hare, so he and Mr. Chihuahua’s Wild Ride quickly studied their map and headed out on the trail. The rest of us downed a couple beers and gleefully watched funkyballoftitsfromouterspace attach a double-sided dildo to the hashit, appropriately being carried by Dildo Baggins. She began telling us a story about how she left it in her car for a while, and thankfully I was smart enough to take some of her quotes and text it to myself (who said alcoholics can’t remember things?). It went a little something like this:
funkytits: “Ok you guys really need to smell this dildo! It smells like artificial strawberries. And plastic. I threw it in my cousins face and she said ‘it smells nice’. Haha. Doesn’t it smell like strawberries?!”
With highly confused looks on our faces, we doubted it, but low and behold, were all dumb enough to approach the hashit, grab that double sided dildo and sniff away. Sure as shit, it smelled like strawberries! Nothing like a woman’s scent………….
Um, ok, back to the hash. We ran, followed trail, got lost, then found our honorary hares on a hilltop which was also our first beer stop. From there I Can Get You Off nominated herself and another newly named hasher, Cum Summaries, to become the hares and off they went. We headed down from the hillside and immediately got confused with which flour was from the first hares and what was fresh. Chi, being the ever so wise guy, knew where the next beer stop was and said f*ck the trail, let’s get the beer. So onward we ran to Meadow Park, passing the Turkeys as we went. Some clever bastard was smart enough to put two tit checks surrounding the beer, genius! I’m not sure if anyone flashed (ladies! Tsk tsk, that’s a crime!) but Dirty Girl took it upon herself to “cool off” by putting ice cubes down her chest. When I asked wtf she was doing, she proceeded to show me these melting cubes but pulling down her shirt and ta-da! Tit check complete!! Never one to let us down, Dirty Girl.
We headed back to the A after a somewhat disappointing trail (thanks again Rubbers) to drink our sorrows away and welcome a fresh crop of virgins. The 3 virgins were asked the same question we all were: song, joke, or body part. Guy #1: Boobs!! And not only that, but pierced boobs! Matzo took this opportunity to scar me for f*cking life by then proceeding to show us his little secret…. He’s got pierced tits too! Kinky I can only imagine what that Freudian Slut does with you. Currently picturing Christian Grey’s “red room of pain”, but don’t get me started on my erotic novel. Moving on… Guy #2: More boobs! Hooray! Last but not least, our only female virgin, Girl #1: Song. Song?!!!! Wtf Just Christina!! Talk about a disappointment…. Or was it? As she started doing some hallelujah carol, she slowly lifted her shirt and guess what! Boobs!! Matzo proudly proclaimed that this was the “boobs across the board” hash and we all went home feeling quite satisfied.
A lot more probably happened…… But I was pretty buzzed up and it was almost two weeks ago, I can’t remember that far back. I’m pretty sure we all nominate Silence of the Clams to do the next hash trash, I’m clearly a failure!
On – to the next drunken hash – On,