Hash #221 – The Burning Butt Pirate Hash
This swash-buckling tale follows the quest of Captain Jack Sparrow, a savvy pirate, and Will Turner, a resourceful blacksmith, as they search for Elizabeth Swann…..wait a second that’s not how it went…. well, I think we can all agree that Burning Rubbers looked way hotter than Johnny Depp in her pirate get-up anyway We all gathered for the Burning Butt Pirate Hash at Laguna Lake Park. Many “aaaarrrrgghhh mateys” were heard as wankers gathered clad in eyepatches and pirate gear. Although Lady Red Rocket was nowhere to be found, the exciting beer koozies that he procured were! The shitty beer that OHD purchased tasted so much better out of the awesome koozie! After Sprinkle Princess molested the virgins in his “how to hash” talk, Burning Rubbers took the stage with a loud “Avast Ye”, explaining something about maps and buried treasure to which no one paid attention to.
We took off after our sexy pirate hares through fields, forestry, and loads of poison oak. Thorns tore at our ankles and we hurdled over logs and possum skeletons. Just when we wondered if we would make it out of this forest alive, we finally reached out first beer stop! Unfortunately, one of our hashers wasn’t so lucky with the thorn clad bushes as he profusely bled from the leg and face. Thank god OHD was there who didn’t even think twice before ripping the sleeve off of her shirt to make a tourniquet for this suffering wanker. OHD to the rescue!
That got old fast so we continued on down a dirt path and almost down into a shady ass creek area until All Aboard realized that he had unmistakenly called an “on on!” and we had to back track. You’re lucky you didn’t get called into the circle for that one wanker! The car salesman knew they didn’t have a sale with us pirate wankers as we tore threw their dealership in search of our buried treasure. We finally reached our second beer stop after almost getting hit by passing cars on the 101.
At our third beer stop things got a little out of hand… perhaps due to excessive grog. I Can Get You Off dared More Men Less Beer to climb the pyramid at the cemetery then chickened out. More Men, the hard ass that she is, proceeded to climb that mother and mount it like no other! Shiver me Timbers!! Even the dog was inspired and tried to climb it with no avail.
It was on-on to the end of the hash where Sprinkle Princess proceeded to lead yet another disorganized circle. Can you try to keep us wankers under control for once?! Geez! X-Rated Butt Pirate was alone in the circle as Burning Rubbers abandoned her to drink alone for her shitty hash. The virgins were plentiful and I think we all learned what we’ve been dying to know… how to get a freaking squirrel out of a tree!! Thank you Just Melinda for teaching us that!! Can you cum show us again?? Fuckin Strange got called into the circle and proceeded to show us the proper way to do a fla-bongo and I’m sure I heard Stranger mention something about making us a new song book after many a new song was heard that night from travelling hashers. A great hash was had, although I’m still searching that that damn buried treasure.
- Silence of the Clams
If anyone is interested in where you ran (or what
you missed out on… pirate maps, skeletons, grog (regular and diet),
etc)… Here’s the map:
- Rubbers and X-RBP