Hash #216 – Buttload of Granny Crackin Hash

We met at the Damon Garcia sports field where I’m sure the soccer moms were tickled to bits to see us chugging beer and dressed outlandishly for the upcumming St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Our hares, Buttload of Homo and newly anointed Granny Cracker, set off while we continued to guzzle our Guinness. Hounds away to what we soon discovered to be a long and straight run. Long, straight, hard, smooth, erect……. wait, wait. Where was I? Oh yes, the trail. It was long and straight. Whoopie. Even the Turkey’s had a good 4 and a half miler. Matzo b*tched about gettin’ shin splints, but when is he not complaining? We did get a pretty cool beer stop in a tree grove where a pot o’ gold (which is code for beer for drunks) awaited us.

Once back at the A we discovered that our hare Buttload had been snared by our very own Grand Mattress, I Can Get You Off. He ended up giving her his shoe (well, he gave her a few other things too, if ya catch my drift, but I don’t want to gossip here. This is strictly business), and he and his lovely co-hare were destined to a lil’ chugging contest from their beautiful, clean, fresh shoes. Yummy.

We had two namings, Just Laura and Just Ellen. After much debate, Just Laura is now known as F*ckin’ Strange, which is going to be great when she introduces herself. “Hi I’m F*ckin’ Strange” as newcomers wonder wtf is wrong with her and I just sit back and snicker at Stranger. Tee Hee Hee. Just Ellen is now funkyballoftitsfromouterspace. Yes, you read that correctly, funkyballoftitsfromouterspace. I think we’ll just shorten it to Funky Tits. Or just Tits. Yes, Tits works for me. I would have had pictures of their naming ceremony, but someone *code name Dildo* seemed to have gotten flour all over my camera. But I’m sure their devoted boyfriends have plenty of photos as this will definitely be a highlight in their “First Year of Love” scrapbook.

On-On Wankers.